Coming home! 10 Things to expect from post-travel blues and how to overcome them

Hello, I haven't written in over a year now. Not for any reason in particular other than life happening so I thought writing about my experiences coming home would be a good return!

Firstly post-travel blues are real. They are also described as post-travel depression or experiencing reverse culture shock. I hope this blog and sharing my experiences can help anyone returning home manage their expectations and for those expecting someone to return post travels to understand how they may be feeling.

There were various occasions throughout my travels when it appeared going home was the only option. I was travelling at the start of a global pandemic, it hadn't been my plan to travel for so long, realistically I couldn't afford to travel for a long duration without an income and was it even worth it if I most likely wouldn't be coming across many other backpackers? These thoughts made me feel all the more stressed because I wasn't ready to head back, it was too soon and I hadn't even scraped the surface of what I wanted to see. However, by the time I had booked my flight home (after 2 and a bit years), I did feel ready to return home. I had met up with various family members throughout my travels as my extended family is spread far and wide and I felt it was time to see my close family. I had met so many incredible people along the way but I had missed my friends, the people who had known me through key points in my life and for a longer period of time. I couldn't wait to surprise everyone, really see them and talk face to face rather than through a screen.

Some people I had met out travelling had returned home before me and would always say they wished they had stayed out longer and not much was going on in the UK. Luckily, I returned when restrictions had been lifted and people were allowed to roam freely again. I knew going back home would be hard, that it wouldn't be how I remembered it and I knew people would have changed and moved on. I knew there were stronger societal pressures than I had been exposed to a few months prior and that I couldn't jump on a scooter and have a beach to myself in tropical weather. I knew that I would be in a place with different interpretations of what life should be. I thought I was mentally prepared. I planned to keep myself busy as I had been on my travels and fill my free time up with re-connecting with old friends and being active. I would remind myself of how lucky I was for my experiences and to live in a country with so much history and things I had previously taken for granted such as safety. The truth is despite putting all of these safeguards in place for my mental health the holiday blues hit me hard.

Here's what I experienced and what you can expect too:

1. Expect shit FM to question your choices but you know what's best for you

Shit FM is the little voice in your head that is always tearing you down and chattering about how you did this and that wrong. It is also referred to as the monkey mind, you know that internal negativity that is always there trying to fight its way to the foreground of your thoughts? Well, prepare for it to tune up. Returning home you'll most likely no longer be around people who had made the life choice to travel as extensively as you. You'll most likely return to circles of people who have focused on their careers since graduating and other grown-up things like buying a house and finding the person they are going to marry. You are going to be the odd one out and your brain is going to make you think that you made the wrong choice, that you've messed up your future prospects by taking yourself out of the dating game and instead of saving to get on the property ladder you pissed it away on too many piña coladas. You'll probably experience this from external sources too as it is an out-of-the-ordinary thing to do and you'll get some judgements for that. You are now back in an environment where people tell you what you should do and what you should be rather than simply offering travel advice.

It is important to surround yourself with people who have similar values to you, that see the value of travel and recognise your successes, and who lift you up, especially when you are beating yourself up. Having that close-knit circle of support is incredibly important. You have to remind yourself that you have been so brave to break out of the ordinary. What really helped me is speaking to incredibly accomplished people in my industry and hearing them say that my worrying about being 'too old' to make good headway in my desired career was nonsensical (as most worries are). You can still find the person of your dreams, you can still have that dream career, being out for a few years doesn't actually change anything. In fact, it actually provides you with a lot of soft skills such as dealing with uncertainty and new people that will help you in your career as well as making you a far more interesting guest at a dinner party. Something I had to get used to again was being asked "what's the plan now?", "what's next". This is NEVER asked when you are travelling because everything is just so in the flow man.. just see what tomorrow presents itself, every day is a new day dude...

Realise that you haven't taken time away from any of those other things which may also be important to you in life. You now have lots of fantastic stories and memories in your head, please don't ever regret them! Remember that you felt it right to return home, if it didn't feel like the right timing for you recognise that you came home for a reason and stick to your decisions. You are the one in control so don't let shit FM or other lousy external opinions detract from your why. Remember your accomplishments don't define who you are, be around people who know that.

2. You'll experience reverse culture shock but it's not forever

I was warned to expect reverse culture shock. Reverse culture shock? Pffft how could I experience that somewhere where I had spent the majority of my life? I wasn't going to be l 'shocked' by a place I knew so well and had grown up in. However, that's not what reverse culture shock means. It actually means the emotional and psychological readjustment you'll experience. I thought adapting wouldn't be an issue because I was so used to being in new environments and adapting to new people all the time, however, adapting to the old and the norm is still adapting! I think it affected me much more coming home because the intensity of it was so unexpected.

I was happy being home, even though I felt different, everything felt exactly the same. I felt simultaneously warm and upset about that fact. It was warming to return to the familiarity and consistency but at the same time in some ways, it also felt stagnant. By this, I mean that it felt as if no progress had been made, the same homeless faces I had known remained in the same streets. I thought to myself "how could this be, how could there not have been any change?".

To get over this I got stuck into the things that I had missed when I was travelling from being in one place, such as working out regularly, cooking and having the ability to decorate my own space. Try and find those passions that weren't as accessible to you and realise that how you are feeling is normal. The best thing about reverse culture shock is that it's short-lived.

3. You'll experience resistance but set your own goals

As soon as I told my travel friends that I was going home the general response was excitement for me to see my home friends and family after so long but also sadness in a sense that "the dream" was over. However, due to this general opinion and my love for travel, I think there was resistance against the idea of staying. I thought I'd pop home for a bit and then ping myself back out to some unknown continent and continue travelling until life forced me to stay still. If it ever did... I met plenty of people who had been 'on the road' for most of their lives and nothing would ever change that. In the end, I did stay and I felt like a failure for not committing to being a full-time traveller and seeing as much of the world as I could for the rest of my days and I knew I could make that work. On the other hand, I felt like a failure for not having a house to call my own and a handful of promotions. In a sense, I was in limbo not feeling like I fit in anywhere anymore. You have to realise a house, a career (at the right place) and a fluffy pet dog can wait. There is plenty of time for that. Not everyone is going to understand you, and not everyone has to. You need to be patient with yourself, you are returning to a very different lifestyle than what you had been used to, you are going to have different priorities and your routine is going to change significantly.

I found myself daydreaming about new places to visit. It felt like I spent most of my time checking flights online and saving new destinations on Instagram and pintrest. I was always reminiscing about the places I had been because I didn't want to forget. I didn't want to forget the emotions, I didn't want to forget the places and the realisations I had had. My dreams would even be based in the different locations I had been to. Savour these memories and log them by making a photo album, writing about them or staying in touch with your travel friends but realise that you are doing yourself a disservice by wishing you were elsewhere. Part of what makes travelling so enjoyable is the amount of time you spend in the moment, try and get that state back home and be appreciative of the new experiences you are having right now. You may not think of them as 'new' because they are from an old routine but your perception and thoughts will be different. A routine doesn't make things have the same - a routine is just the outline. Take some time to properly think about what you want and come up with a rough guide to help you get there so you have a goal and something to look forward to.

4. You'll ask yourself "Have I changed at all?" but it's guaranteed that you have

People will slot you straight back to who you were when they last saw you. That's a very natural reaction, right? How else are we supposed to treat someone we haven't seen in a while, as a stranger? Sadly, I wasn't the same person and didn't want to be pigeonholed into 2014 me. Our behaviour is very much based on the expectations of the people we are with for example if you know someone who thinks you are confident you are more likely to act confidently in front of them. Naturally, we are a reflection of who people think we are, and feeling like I no longer fit into the existing expectations of others, it felt like all of the work I had done to become a better person had been meaningless and the change wasn't evident. Had all of these experiences had zero effect on me and I'm exactly the same? NO. You will have changed I can't say whether for worse or the better but I hope the latter. There is no way you have seen what you have and not changed. What helped me is journaling about my experiences and realising how I handle difficult situations now to how the previous me would have. I learnt so much and feel like I grew so much as a person whilst I was travelling that coming home felt like the end of that. It isn't. Life is still going to throw you opportunities to learn and grow if you are open to it.

5. You won't click with the same people but you will with new people

Staying in close contact with my friends whilst I was away was so important to me. I would regularly try and facetime, call or text just to stay in the loop with their lives whilst I was away. Despite the distance, I am so pleased to have kept a lot of my close friends. However, my efforts were intentional and when I felt I didn't get the same effort back I recognised it was time to part ways. I think I had prepared myself or expected it to be the case but we tend to frame things as a 'loss' and so naturally pain presents itself. Without sounding too hippy letting go and new starts are one the most natural things in the world. Trees shed their leaves and seasons come and go. It's the natural ebb and flow of life to have the people in your life come and go too. Initially, I travelled up and down the country meeting back up with close friends and catching up. I think it's important to do this to keep yourself busy, check in and be shown a reflection of your past self. You can compare where you were then and where you are now. You have the luxury of that stark comparison and you can decide on who you wish to be.

What helped me deal with this was acknowledging all the people that had been in my life before but I had never connected with before. There were people I had known but not well who I become friends with, not since coming home but while I was away, talking over social media, connecting over travel and other passions. There were also a lot of people I had reconnected with. Don't hold onto the perception of a loss but look at what you've gained. Life somehow has a way of sending the right people your way.

6. You'll feel like you are returning to the mundane but you need to romanticise your current reality

You will be returning to the 'mundane' at least that's how I viewed it. Life might seem boring now as you won't be seeing bizarre sights like a family on a bike with 5 goats and a sofa, or golden temples from ancient civilizations. You most likely will go back to a regular life indoors because it's raining outside, find that there isn't that much to do and be working 9-5.

Life back home doesn't need to be boring. I realised I had stopped doing all of the things I had loved whilst travelling such as trying new restaurants, activities and classes. There was no reason why I couldn't do this back home. I could enjoy things such as yoga just as much here as I did elsewhere. It is so important to look for opportunities to do what you love in the life you already have. Look for meaning in your routine and take account of how it will serve you in the future. Additionally, just because you have returned to your home base doesn't mean that the adventure is over. You can still travel or perhaps get to know your own country better. I can understand that it's probably harder to do this in the UK as moving around can be expensive but you'll most likely know people you can stay within new areas, or you could consider camping or group trips to keep the cost down. It's always the case that we learn about other places more than our own! You can find adventure in the mundane as there are always new places to explore and it can be as simple as taking an alternative route to work. You haven't seen all there is to see and don't know all there is to know there is always an opportunity! I missed that ability to meet people so easily... it's a lot harder in your late twenties to make new friends. If you also enjoy meeting new people a great way to do it is Bumble Friends, using the Meetup app, checking facebook groups in your area and joining evening classes or sports activities.

7. No one cares but you do and that matters!

The reality is no one seemed that interested in what I had been doing or what I had experienced in the past few years. I didn't want to return and be the whole "I did this and just completely found myself on my gap yahhhhh" persona and drive everyone up the wall but I felt like I had done something out of the norm and wanted to share what I had seen and learned. I can recall just 2-3 people asking me about my travels and I'm grateful to them because recounting the stories helps them remain alive in my memory. It's not that I just wanted to talk about myself and all the great things I saw (it wasn't all rainbows and unicorns), I wanted to be filled in with the years I had missed from my friend's lives and hear about what they had experienced in their careers, or moving to a new city but conversations were are always short "yeah time has gone by quickly with work, haven't been out much because of lockdown". I'm not the type of person to talk about myself without being asked so all of my memories from my travels started to feel like a dream. I felt as if no one cared about the events that had been so formative in my character and outlook on life. That made me feel as if I shouldn't care.

I did my best to stay positive but I felt like I was having to constantly put myself back up and back up. It's difficult because the discourse of conversation had changed. In a travel environment, people love sharing stories and getting tips on where to go next. If you care then shout about what you love. When did it become 'uncool' to speak about your passions whatever they are? To cherish your memories you can get creative, organise some prints to put up around your house, create a photo book or video, journal, and connect with others who will be interested to share stories.

8. It's difficult to talk about but it's important to have an outlet

I found it difficult to talk about how I was feeling because I knew I had been in a privileged position not many people get the time or opportunity to travel for so long. I didn't want to come across as ungrateful or as if I were complaining and thought to myself 'you've had a good time now suck it up, you decided to go home.' I felt like it was time to get back to the 'real world' but I hate that mentality because the real world is your life it shouldn't be something you have to accept if you are unhappy with it.

I knew I had been lucky enough to travel and experience all of these amazing things in the first place. However, it was hard. I wasn't ungrateful, it was just everything I had loved so much and enjoyed about my life had vanished. Instead of each and every single day being packed with adventure and discovery I went back to the same routine I had before I left the UK. Instead of being outdoors I was back inside the majority of the time within the same four walls with nothing new to experience or learn. I had gone from being in sociable environments to having no friends nearby. I felt like I had lost a lot of my autonomy and independence and I had nothing to look forward to.

It felt like I was on a high-speed travellator running against it, I was going backwards instead of forwards. I'm not very good at talking about my feelings and whenever I tried I would get ignored which was very alienating. Not by everyone luckily! If you say you miss things some may take that personally against them which is not the case at all! Remember you are feeling this way for a reason and take the discomfort as a signal to realise what or who makes you find meaning and happiness. Don't expect people even if you do consider them as friends to understand or want to talk to you about it. They don't owe you anything and it can be just as uncomfortable for the other person to talk about feelings they may want to keep things light. I will say it is important to talk about how you feel so try and find the right people to speak with such as other travellers who have returned home. If you are a friend of someone coming home be open to listening to them and try and understand that their life has been turned upside down.

9. You'll no longer be around happy people (for the most part) but you'll need to seek them out

I'm not saying everyone you meet travelling is happy and that back home they are all miserable gits but for the most part, people you met travelling were generally happier and positive because they are at a high point in their lives. They have chosen to be in X country and in a state of openness and excited about what's to come. Back home people are more likely to be in a state of doing what they need to do to get by and get ahead.

This isn't something I took into account but it seems so obvious looking back. The people around you influence you more than you realise. As we are social animals we unconsciously mimic and absorb the emotions of those around us. After a few days of being home, I realised I became the downer. I was lacking energy and motivation. I wasn't sleeping well and just when I saw myself in the mirror I lacked the vibrancy and joy I had seen for the past few years. This was most likely due to the readjustment but also being around some pretty negative people. As our environment and others influence us so much surround yourself with people that are positive and have the desired traits and behaviours that you want to have. Don't pressure yourself to stick to who you've already dedicated time to if it's no longer working for you. Happiness and misery are contagious so try and curate your life in a way that you are around people who are uplifting and minimise contact with those that aren't.

10. Your priorities will change and you shouldn't be hard on yourself because of that!

Even though I returned very much of the idea that it would be a short-term visit my return reminded me of other elements that I valued in life such as career and education. Whilst I enjoy working for myself I have other goals that I want to throw myself at and see how far I can get. You'll be reminded of who you used to be and you'll realise that travelling didn't completely transform you from 'bad' to 'better' it just changed you.

It's not a bad thing if your priorities change and if they don't and you feel like you want to get back out there and continue for as long as you can then go for it! However, I'd always suggest thinking sensibly about your future and what you want to get from your life. If your wider goals can't work with a life on the road then maybe make headway towards them and then consider getting back to travelling.

I love travelling but have things that I want to achieve back home however, that doesn't mean I'm going to stop travelling. A very wise individual told me ' I think it's very important to be just as satisfied at home, or you'll never really be content!'. So romanticise your life wherever you may be, surround yourself with positive people, be kind to yourself and build your life to what you want it to be.

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I hope this blog has shed some light on what someone coming home may experience with reserve culture shock. Hopefully, it serves those coming home and provides some ideas to those who aren't travellers but want to support their friends. I'm always happy to talk so feel free to send me a message if you need some advice or want someone to speak to if you are experiencing or know anyone who is experiencing reverse culture shock!

Share what you can relate to and what surprised you below!

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